Randomly Thinking

A sleepless night again. I recall back many things.I'd been gone thru many recently, is really a suffering month for me. I don't know how i did lived through those previous days. I don't know how many times i did cried, it countless. I don't know how many sleepless night im having, it countless also. I don't know how many times i did wake up by my tears.
Yes no doubt that all of it is because of him. He still remains the same place in my heart, never change at all. Everytime when my phone ringing, i hope that was him. But of cos everytime oso disappointed me. I told myself don't think and miss him anymore as he's not worth of it. But my mind will automatically think of him whenever im going to bed, pass through those roads and restaurants that we went together before, those songs that we listened together, the same model of his car, every single things also can make me think of him easily. I still can remember from the first day I get to know him, those moments that we spent together.
I'd learnt and lost alots on it as well. I'd learnt to don't fully trust on anyone especially guys, don't so easily fell for people,learnt to protect myself and love myself more. I lost confidence on guys and relationship as well,get phobia on guys oso.I know that many things happens already will never ever can turn back anymore,but i still can't put him down thou i'm trying so hard on it.All i wish is i can put him down slowly as time passes by.

-eunice-